A Penny

Just when I thought we made it, I watched it all fall.
My heart and all, can't walk so I crawl.
What the future holds I will never know but the price I paid has to be worth it all.

With my heart in pieces on the floor It's time to learn to stand again and if I fall just was meant to, or so I'm told.

Bitter and sweet memories is what will remain but a lesson has been learned there was much to gain.

So a penny for your thoughts made my world fall but a penny for mine lets you understand it all.

May,2011

You & Me

Let me inspire you as you inspire me,
Let me admire you as you admire me,
Let me desire you as you desire me,
Let our world be filled with ecstasy,
Let it only exist with you and me

Eyes

Have you ever noticed how people tend to look into your eyes as if they want to see your soul.

Is it possible that they just want to be apart of you and know what your thinking as they speak to you.

Is the fact that you are aware of this and that you try to avoid their gaze something that you should over come.

Is it just possible that you may be afraid of what they might see or what they won't see that scares you.

Is it possible for the person you want to understand you; to see everything you've worked so hard to conceal.

Now do you wonder if that person looks into you soul they won't like what they see.

Do your eyes hold the world beyond the smile that hides so much more.

Will you never be the same if they see your pain and your flaws.

Are you really afraid of what they will think or are you afraid of what YOU will find out about yourself and the pain that you have locked away will come to surface and lead to you finally dealing with it.

In essence are you afraid of your eyes or the eyes of the other person that when that person looks into your eyes they will see YOU; the you your not sure of yet, the you that you've yet to understand.

November 5, 2005 1:46pm

Lost

My heart is heavy so is my mind, I have abundantly wasted time energy and space. I wish i could just erase the pain that i have caused so many. i don't deserve Love or forgiveness. I'm not someone that others should waste their time on. I have lost my way a long time ago and I haven't found my way out of the fog. Where do I go from here??

Quick thoughts

Take my advice and lets talk for awhile
Tell me what it is that makes you smile
Makes your mind run wild
Makes you feel like a child
Paint a picture so that I can see it in my mind
You got to go?
Did we run out of time?
Tell me when we can do this again
Cuz right where we left off is where you can begin...

Where do I go from here??

I have come to a Cross Roads or a cross of Paths

Now what do I do?

Left or Right?

Its all up to you.

Do what is expected.

Do what makes you happy.

Going back and forth

A tug of war with my emotions

this course is rougher than being on the ocean.

Who will I be?

How will they see me?

Its all a matter of perception and acceptance,

Do I accept me for who I am and Who I want to be?

Is my judgment clouded and never just what it seems?

As I lay here in thought thinking, Man Its early

Wondering why I can't Let my heart Shine

Knowing that All I really need is Time.

As I stare down these paths knowing that I can only take one

Not knowing if they are good or bad or what harm they have done.

I notice at a glance one that, I, at first didn't quite see.

A path a little rough around the edges not quite as Pretty

But stands out now, Clearly, among the rest.

Now It's my time to take my " Leap of Faith"

Time to make some choices because It's the only way.

The only way to what....

I'm not quite sure.......

Am I destined to stand here and ponder forever more

Or will I make my own path

The one that's right for ME.

I'm So confused I just want to scream and yell

But I guess It's as they say...

Only Time Will Tell.

Written October 18, 2007

This is my Truth

There is a lot I keep inside and so much I haven't forgiven. I keep my feelings under wraps because that's what I was taught to do. From then I have learned to Respect those who respect you. I'm tougher than I look and deal with more than most know. I have seen a lot in my almost 22 years but my heart has felt so much more. Sometimes I wonder how I handle it all. how I face the world with so much in my heart but muster a smile on my face. I wrote a poem once that smiles were basically everyday masks. Used to cover ones true feelings of the day the minute or the hour.
The brain is a powerful part of your body because with out it I don't think certain people would like the person I am. I learned early on to think before I speak so my sensor works quite well even when I'm angry. All the time I'm taught to leave it alone and let it go. but the same consideration is not often taken with me for my feelings.
I'm determined to take the world on and be better and do better the product of my environment is not who I strive to be. I believe the Lord put me here to do great things and with my faith I hope that I can and will do the great things that lay ahead of me.
My own children will have the life I once wish I had. I am grounded in this reality and must move through life as such but I will never have that chip on my shoulder that you can see. like Tom said

"Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things ... up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion." (1.1, Tom).