Where do I go from here??

I have come to a Cross Roads or a cross of Paths

Now what do I do?

Left or Right?

Its all up to you.

Do what is expected.

Do what makes you happy.

Going back and forth

A tug of war with my emotions

this course is rougher than being on the ocean.

Who will I be?

How will they see me?

Its all a matter of perception and acceptance,

Do I accept me for who I am and Who I want to be?

Is my judgment clouded and never just what it seems?

As I lay here in thought thinking, Man Its early

Wondering why I can't Let my heart Shine

Knowing that All I really need is Time.

As I stare down these paths knowing that I can only take one

Not knowing if they are good or bad or what harm they have done.

I notice at a glance one that, I, at first didn't quite see.

A path a little rough around the edges not quite as Pretty

But stands out now, Clearly, among the rest.

Now It's my time to take my " Leap of Faith"

Time to make some choices because It's the only way.

The only way to what....

I'm not quite sure.......

Am I destined to stand here and ponder forever more

Or will I make my own path

The one that's right for ME.

I'm So confused I just want to scream and yell

But I guess It's as they say...

Only Time Will Tell.

Written October 18, 2007

This is my Truth

There is a lot I keep inside and so much I haven't forgiven. I keep my feelings under wraps because that's what I was taught to do. From then I have learned to Respect those who respect you. I'm tougher than I look and deal with more than most know. I have seen a lot in my almost 22 years but my heart has felt so much more. Sometimes I wonder how I handle it all. how I face the world with so much in my heart but muster a smile on my face. I wrote a poem once that smiles were basically everyday masks. Used to cover ones true feelings of the day the minute or the hour.
The brain is a powerful part of your body because with out it I don't think certain people would like the person I am. I learned early on to think before I speak so my sensor works quite well even when I'm angry. All the time I'm taught to leave it alone and let it go. but the same consideration is not often taken with me for my feelings.
I'm determined to take the world on and be better and do better the product of my environment is not who I strive to be. I believe the Lord put me here to do great things and with my faith I hope that I can and will do the great things that lay ahead of me.
My own children will have the life I once wish I had. I am grounded in this reality and must move through life as such but I will never have that chip on my shoulder that you can see. like Tom said

"Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things ... up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion." (1.1, Tom).

Interesting Thoughs

I'm laying here and its warmer than usual, reading blogs that have slowly made my mind race and other parts of me moist.
Not sure where to turn with these thoughts so i decided to write.
if only writing would get me what I'm craving. something more than what i been getting which is to say the least.
Even tho my last encounter had me on the brink of acceptance into this elite society.
Never the less I'm thinking damn these ladies are Lucky and their trysts only leave me envious and in desperate search of what they are receiving and giving.
aah if only i could be dangerous and have the exciting escapades that i only read of. is such pleasure only extended to a portion of the population?
is it an exclusive club that i have yet to gain membership to but desire to embraced into?

Hmmm lets see what i can get into or i can get into me....